25 stratford grove

Im in a house loverly situated on the edge of a wood. Below is a stream sadly dirty and full of broken stuff not safe for dogs. My dog doesnt noticed the broken glass though and throws himself in with gay abandon. Walking across a bridge in the park today, he was miserably attached by an unfriendly collie dog and Oscar fell off the bridge down a ravine. Luckily nothing bad happened to him, only a small abrasion. I was terrified. He didnt seem to be.
Were discovering the local smells and exciting corners in Heaton. Theres so much rubbish around I cant believe people dont mind. I mind. I hate it. Ive never lived in such a dirty place. Even in my heady days of squatting, life was cleaner.

Im feel happy to have bought this house. It is friendly, accepting and loyal. I know it will appreciate my loving it back to health. Ive got all sorts of plans for it. Weve already made a new back yard which is very beautiful. Now we will start on the inside. Hopefully Phil will do the joists in the back room. I hope he will be in a good mood when he gets back from his holiday in Italy.
I might offer him a bottle of wine to sweeten him up.

exsertus exchange

thank you to everyone who came to the final evening at Waygood. Thank you also for your thoughtful comments on the performance and installation.
I was fed by most people; some only gave a little, others gave a lot. Some people didnt feed me at all. Perhaps for you it was maybe an overwhelming experience and very intimate. Perhaps some people thought, 'well some artist just being well, an artist!' It was certainly intimate for me. I was aware that with some people being in the space was difficult. Other people seemed to respond to the stillness and it maybe felt more comfortable for them.
Either way, I learned a lot about myself and I think the experience changed me in some ways. For example Im more grateful about what i do have and Im more impatient with myself when I demand, or make demands for more..............
Be well,
See you soon,
Carole Luby.

exsertus exchange

Its my penultimate day here in the space. ive become attached to it, although at night it gets very cold.
every evening the performance changes slightly. Today Im making it more about hunger, less about childhood sadness.
I was thinking about asking people not to speak in the space. As i find it dilutes the experience for me and maybe also for you.
But I wouldnt want to be didactic about that.
If you want to talk, talk.

Maybe see you this evening.

exsertus exchange

thanks to those people who fed me today. Being in this space i feel peaceful and calm, but always slightly apprehensive that nobody will turn up.
The use of this space has given me an opportunity to make some comments about things I dont normally consider. Like, world poverty, hunger, loneliness and the harshness in some people's lives.
I let myself out for a little wander around the block. I felt a bit guilty actually.
This industrial part of Newcastle needs some love. It is neglected and unloved. But there are people living nearby as well. I thought of how different our lives are. me being holed up for five days in an artist's space and them going about their daily lives, putting washing on the line, feeding their cats and going to Lidls to get the shopping.
Perhaps ill see somebody tomorrow.

exsertus exchange

mmmmmmmmmm; thank you for feeding me. You were generous however I dont like eating this kind of packaged babyfood. How do we expect babies to survive on that? I think it would be healthier to give them mashed or pureed banana, or cooked apples or berries. On the other hand, a lot of the fruit is imported from afar (bananas) and we now get criticised for contributing to unbalancing universal homeostasis.

Im getting used to this space. It feels like being at boarding school where I was incarcerated from the age of four until 17. How did I survive? I think by becoming self resourceful and learning how to adapt and fit in. But at what cost?

the building creaks and hums and during the night there are predators, maybe its just the boiler groaning. I laugh at myself lying in my little bed. And ask, what am I doing here when I could be out on the beach, soaking up the spring sunshine and watching the dogs playing with each other and with sticks and balls.

Exsertus exchange

No food no food today. I find Northumberland street overwhelming with food smells; pasties, meat, burgers, fries, oil, fat, fat fat.
Im not eating. Im not eating because I want to feel hungry I want to feel a little bit of what it must feel like to be hungry. I know when Im hungry and when I feel hungry I feed myself. What if there was no food to feed myself. How would it feel not to be able to feed myself.
Im away, Im away from all the food, the spending, the market place, the place where people shop, eat, drink, numb.
Im feeling like Im away. My head is heavy. My stomach is light.
I look forward to seeing you.

Exsertus exchange

Soon Im going to stop eating for a while. Not for ever, Im not starving myself but I will stop eating. Not eating is fasting. Fasting while I think about what is happening. Happening in my life, where is my life. where are you in my life. Where will you be in my life when I am fasting. I know you are there I can feel your presence. There are times when I dont eat I dont eat and I think of people who cannot eat who cannot eat because they have no food. there is no food for them to eat. I long to feed those people those people who are dying without food whose lives are taken from them because they have no food. Can you think for a moment about all the people whose lives are desperate because they are hungry. Because they have no food they are hungry and they go to sleep feeling hungry. Their hunger makes me feel sick.Their hunger makes me feel ashamed.